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| January | February | March |
| April | May | June |
| July | August | September |
| October | November | December |
1st of March
1455 Gutenberg's Bible was the first book to be printed with movable metal type - 'Today is definitely not a good day for speakers, it's a day for bookworms... because on this day etc.'
2nd of March
1555 Nostradamus's book of predictions was published - 'I checked it before I came here and he definitely didn't predict that I would have to do this tonight ... on this day etc.'
3rd of March
1969 Concorde made its maiden flight -''I'm not the only one who is doing a 'first' on this day ... because on this day etc.'
4th of March
1867 John Barnado opened his first home for destitute children - 'Oddly enough when I was feeling destitute and asked to be let in this morning they told me I was far too old... on this day etc.'
5th of March
1893 Shredded Wheat became the first ready-to-eat breakfast cereal - 'I had a wonderful speech prepared for you this morning but over my breakfast I shredded it... maybe it's because on this day etc.'
6th of March
1889 - The NSPCC was founded in London - 'Tonight, as I stand here in front of you in Childlike innocence all I can think of is the NSPCC... maybe it's because on this day etc.'
7th of March
1876 Alexander Graham Bell patented the first telephone -' Today is a great day for communicators but, sadly, I have to confess to you that I'm not one of them... on this day etc.'
8th of March
2737 BC Tea was discovered by Chinese Emperor Shen Nung - 'Obviously he never had to make a speech... on this day etc.'
9th of March
1916 The first Guide Dog for the blind was trained in Australia by the War Dog Institute - 'As I stand here in front of you blindly looking for suitable words to say... I'm reminded that on this day etc.''
10th of March
1801 Britain's first National Census was carried out -' Can I warn you that before I stood up to give my speech I did a little census of how many people are in the room and I plan to do another about half way through, so if you are thinking of slipping out... maybe it's because on this day etc.''
11th of March
1885 Karl Benz and Gottlieb Daimler built the first practical petrol-powered motor cars - 'If anybody falls asleep I'm going to say 'Honk Honk' ... maybe it's because on this day etc.'
12th of March
1935 Driving tests were introduced in Britain - 'I've never given a speech before, so I really should have a large L plate on me tonight of all nights ... because on this day etc.'
13th of March
1960 U2's Adam Clayton was born - 'When I mentioned to somebody earlier that I was going to speak tonight they looked at me in horror and said U2!... maybe it's because on this day etc.'
14th of March
1898 Marie Curie invented the term radioactivity... 'Before I contaminate everybody with my words of wisdom (Or before we have a fallout etc) can I mention to you that... on this day etc.'
15th of March
44 BC Julius Caesar was assassinated - 'For the records I'd like to say that my name is John, you see I was explaining to someone earlier that I was scheduled to give a speech and he turned to me in amazement and said 'Et Tu Brutus'... maybe it's because on this day etc.'
16th of March
1933 Polythene was invented in ICI's laboratories at Northwich, Cheshire - 'Tonight I'm going to wrap up everything very quickly... maybe it's because on this day etc.'
17th of March
St Patrick's Day - Cead Mile Failte (Translated as 'one hundred thousand welcomes') , 'Today I'm opening my speech in the Gaelic Language because... this is the day etc.'
18th of March
Cosmonaut Aleksey Leonov made his first space walk - 'I'm feeling a bit light-headed... maybe it's because on this day etc.'
19th of March
1894 The art of striptease was founded by 'Yvette', a Paris Music Hall dancer - 'Now there's one thing I'm definitely not going to do for you tonight... on the off-chance that you don't know, on this day etc.'
20th of March
1901 The first multi-story car park was opened in London - 'May I ask if any of you had any difficulty parking tonight? ... maybe it's because on this day etc.'
21st of March
1963 Alcatraz prison was closed - 'One of the many reasons why I am able to be here tonight is because... on this day etc.'
22nd of March
1888 The English Football League was founded - 'I have this ominous feeling that tonight I'm going to put my foot in it... maybe it's because on this day etc.'
23rd of March
1904 Louis Rigolly, a Frenchman, became the first man to travel at 100mph - 'If you think that I'm going too fast, let me remind you... that today etc.'
24th of March
1998 the film Titanic was awarded a record 11 Oscars - 'I have a sinking feeling that I'll be getting no Oscars for what I am about to say... maybe it's because they have all been given away on this day etc.'
25th of March
1780 Bifocals were invented by America's Benjamin Franklin - 'As I stand here before you I can't help wondering why you all look wonderful and my speech looks dreadful ... maybe it's because on this day etc.'
26th of March
1944 Diana Ross was born - 'Today is 'Supremes' day and I'm fortified by this thought as I start my speech ... because on this day etc.'
27th of March
1901 Marconi made the first transatlantic transmission - 'Today I'm reminded that some people can make a huge global impact by saying very few words... like Marconi etc.'
28th of March
1902 Frederick Lanchester patented the first disc brake - 'Feel absolutely free to stop me if I go on to long, I won't be offended because... on this day etc.'
29th of March
1873 Levi Strauss began producing blue denim jeans - 'I was tempted to turn up tonight in my old faded denims because ... on this day etc.'
30th of March
1930 The planet Pluto was discovered by US Astronomer, Clyde William Tonbaugh - 'Tonight I am going to give you a heavenly speech because... on this day etc.'
31st of March
1889 The Eiffel Tower was opened - 'Today is a monumental day, but regrettably not for me ... on this day etc.'